Things did not work out for me at this school. My family transferred me to another boarding school where I would be completely competitive with other boys. Here, in my teens, I felt that I wasn't understood. I cut out pictures of dresses that I loved in New York Times ads and envied every guy that had a girl's part in the school plays and devoured everything that I could find written by and about women. I had several girl friends who seemed to like to have me as an understanding friend but not as "their guy." At the age of 16 I learned about sexual intercourse by going to a house of ill repute. I was very frightened but did not let my companions know. I felt that it was "bad" indicating that I feared sexual intercourse. I simply felt more at ease in the company of women than in the company of men. Although generally a loner, I won my Varsity letters in swimming and soccer my sophmore year and played in the school band. I didn't feel very much liked by my classmates for anything other than my athletic prowess and interest in girls. My studies were below average, but I always seemed to manage when pressure was applied to me. Most of the time I was kidded for loving to write poetry and for always being found in the school library.

The first mention I ever found of men dressing as women was in Sinclair Lewis' "Dodsworth.” Not knowing about homosexuality at that time, I was quite surprised and frightened by the attitude expressed towards these men. My prep school girl friends accepted me as a good confidential friend but never as a serious lover. If I attempted this role I was never very confident., would rather have been one of them than what I was. I disliked Bill more and more and sought consolation in Dorothy who made me very happy.

I made a good University, but life was still very confusing for me. Although I received a bid from the best fraternity and played on an undefeated soccer team, I could never talk about what I wanted most. Eventually my marks slipped and the University psychologist interviewed me. I would tell him nothing for I knew nothing about psychology at that time. I was dismissed and told to take a job, which I did, as an aircraft mechanic. I took up playing squash and became quite good at it and started drinking when depressed. I continued to try to be like other men but was unsuccessful and did not like their ways. I dressed în mother's clothes at every chance and read everything Vogue published.

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